nick

I feel sorry for Nick. I know that sounds strange, and I'll tell you why.

First, Nick is very high functioning. He has not required an aide for a few years and spends all his day in the regular classroom. He repeated second grade which has done wonders. Anyway, I think he realizes that he is different. Nate and Noah don't know that they are different (at least I tell myself). I really think Nick does. His social interactions are just not par with his peers. He still paces at recess instead of trying to play with others. His rigidity won't allow him to play with kids that he perceives as "rule breakers" whether they are or not.

Secondly, he has no one to play with or talk to at home. He gets nothing from his brothers. They don't talk to him and can't play with him. Tim and I are the only interaction he gets at home.

Third, he has already started trying to care for his brothers. He worries about them constantly. Tim and I have done everything we can think of to convince him that his brothers are not his job. Unfortunately, that day will come.

I feel so guilty that we will be leaving this burden with Nick. Someday he will be responsible for his brothers. He will have to deal with the assisted living and the money situations. He will have to take care of their medical needs. He will never be able to move far away. I hope he will be able to marry someone who will not grow to resent his brothers. This is not the legacy I wanted to leave my child.