We almost lost my mother-in-law last night. She's been ill for a while and took a turn for the worse last night. We were all called to the hospital, luckily she pulled through. As we were waiting for word from the doctor, I wondered......how do I handle a death with the boys????
Nick will understand and work through it. It may take him a while to work through his emotions, but we can work with his people at school and his therapist. It's amazing how black and white his mind is. When Tim told him today that she was sick, he asked if she was going to die. Tim told him that she almost did last night and Nick's response was that since she didn't, she was ok. She is far from ok.
I wonder about Nate and Noah.....How do you explain death to these two? It's not even a word in their very limited vocabulary. They couldn't be present for the wake......I'm afraid they would try to wake her up or something that people would find very offensive. Nick couldn't handle the wake either. His anxiety would totally take over. He would pace and pace.
As I laid awake last night I wondered if Nate and Noah would even notice that she wasn't around any more. I like to think that they would. They love her very much. Especially Nate, they share a special bond. But, what would I do when Nate says, "I want Ma."? Will I just tell him that she's not home? I honestly don't know. I have never thought about this. I have worried about so many things, but not this. Now I guess it's time to start.
Another thought crossed my mind last night. If I died, would Nate and Noah realize I was gone? Would they mourn me? Would Tim ever tell them even though they couldn't understand? Would they know that I had loved them with every ounce of my being?
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
Last night's episode of Private Practice
Last night's episode of Private Practice was very powerful. One particular storyline spoke to me. The character was a single mother with a 12 year old autistic boy. The boy was good sized and appeared to be low fuctioning (he never spoke in the episode).
The mother was being treated for migraines with prescription marijuana. While she and her son were at the doctor's office, she admitted that she stopped giving him his prescribed meds and was giving him the marijuana to help calm him down. She later told one of the doctors that she was at the end of her rope. She didn't know what else to do. All the other therapies and meds they had tried didn't help. She was exhausted. The doctor tried to tell her that he understood and she started yelling at him that he didn't. No one did. I know how she felt.....
I may tell you what it's like to clean up poop over and over again, but you haven't had to do it. You support me in my decision to send Nate to a special school, but you don't know what it's like to realize that he won't ever drive a car. My friends pitch in and help me when they can, but they don't know what it's like to be trapped at home with the boys because I can't take all 3 of them out by myself.
The doctor refused to give her another prescription for marjuana. A few days later she brought her son to see the doctor. He was suffering from withdrawl and was even more agitated and physical than before. The doctor promised help. Later in the episode, the boy was rushed to the hospital. His mother had bought marjuana on the street to give him. She did not know that it was laced with PCP. She was arrested. Did she mean to harm her child? No. Did she know where else to turn? No.
I applaud the writer for bringing this story to prime time. There are many parents who feel this helpless. Would I give Noah marajuana to calm him down? Right now, I can say no. But, I'm not a single mom doing it all by myself. We have tried various hyperactivity meds for Noah, but they just don't work. In 5 years when he is so much bigger and stronger, I may reach my breaking point.
I was surprised that the doctors didn't try to bring in any in-home help for her. I am sure that respite care exhists in the state of California. I know that I could not survive without my respite care. I really missed mine tonight as I was cleaning up a poop covered Noah and bathroom. The doctor also didn't mention any support groups for her or having her see a therapist. I do think that the writers fell short in these areas. If you want to give the message that she made a bad decision, you should give many alternatives.
The mother was being treated for migraines with prescription marijuana. While she and her son were at the doctor's office, she admitted that she stopped giving him his prescribed meds and was giving him the marijuana to help calm him down. She later told one of the doctors that she was at the end of her rope. She didn't know what else to do. All the other therapies and meds they had tried didn't help. She was exhausted. The doctor tried to tell her that he understood and she started yelling at him that he didn't. No one did. I know how she felt.....
I may tell you what it's like to clean up poop over and over again, but you haven't had to do it. You support me in my decision to send Nate to a special school, but you don't know what it's like to realize that he won't ever drive a car. My friends pitch in and help me when they can, but they don't know what it's like to be trapped at home with the boys because I can't take all 3 of them out by myself.
The doctor refused to give her another prescription for marjuana. A few days later she brought her son to see the doctor. He was suffering from withdrawl and was even more agitated and physical than before. The doctor promised help. Later in the episode, the boy was rushed to the hospital. His mother had bought marjuana on the street to give him. She did not know that it was laced with PCP. She was arrested. Did she mean to harm her child? No. Did she know where else to turn? No.
I applaud the writer for bringing this story to prime time. There are many parents who feel this helpless. Would I give Noah marajuana to calm him down? Right now, I can say no. But, I'm not a single mom doing it all by myself. We have tried various hyperactivity meds for Noah, but they just don't work. In 5 years when he is so much bigger and stronger, I may reach my breaking point.
I was surprised that the doctors didn't try to bring in any in-home help for her. I am sure that respite care exhists in the state of California. I know that I could not survive without my respite care. I really missed mine tonight as I was cleaning up a poop covered Noah and bathroom. The doctor also didn't mention any support groups for her or having her see a therapist. I do think that the writers fell short in these areas. If you want to give the message that she made a bad decision, you should give many alternatives.
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