I am always talking about how the boys' diagnoses have affected me. Sometimes I forget that they have also affected Tim.
I have never seen a father-son relationship like Tim and his dad's. The mutual love, respect, and admiration is so beautiful to see. Tim will always cherish the memories he has from playing football for his dad and then being able to coach with his dad. The player-coach relationship was able to become a coach-coach relationship. I am sure that when we found out Nate was a boy, Tim was already planning for this to happen again. I think that each time we received the diagnosis, Tim's dream of his son's playing football for him became less and less of a reality.
I know that Tim loves his sons with all his heart and accepts them for who they are. I also know that his heart aches a bit when Nate and Noah don't pay attention when football is on tv. They also could never handle the noise and crowd at a Ram's football game. Nate and Noah are both built to play sports, but never will. I don't think the pain would be as great if they at least could understand the game. If they were capable, Tim would never force them to play or watch football, that would be their choice. Tim would support them in whatever sport or activity they were involved in. However, the fact that they don't even have a choice is what is so hard.
Luckily, Tim is having this relationship with Nick. Nick plays football on a team and Tim helps coach. Nick loves to play football, but struggles to sit and watch a full game. I hope that someday Nick cherishes all the memories he will have playing football for his dad the same way that Tim does. I will always be sorry that Tim will not have this with Nate and Noah.
Going to the dentist is not easy....Nate has put Tim, the dentist, and two dental hygienists to the floor just because the dentist needed to look at his teeth. Every 2 years, the dentist sends Nate to Children's Hospital where they put him under general anesthesia so he can have his teeth cleaned and x- rayed. This past November came the words I was hoping to not hear..."Nate needs his wisdom teeth cut out this spring."
I called the oral surgeon who was recommended and tried to set up a consultation. The receptionist wouldn't listen to me and kept telling me to just bring in Nate and his x-rays and they would do it in the office. I couldn't get him to understand our dilemma. I called the scheduling person at the dentist's office and she called. Suddenly, the receptionist from the oral surgeon's office was telling me that it would be done at Children's Hospital and the surgeon would like a consultation appointment before hand.....I tried to tell him...
Nate and I met with the oral surgeon. He had two good throw downs before we got into the office. One was in the parking garage and the other in the lobby of the hospital....it wasn't Children's Hospital so we received many strange looks. Nate was VERY UNCOOPERATIVE during the appointment. The surgeon agreed that it would be unsafe for Nate to go home after having his teeth removed. His plan was to heavily sedate Nate, put in a breathing tube, and stick him in the ICU for a day or two.
It sounded like a good plan. However, the insurance company said no way. When the surgeon's office called to have it pre-approved, they kept saying he could go home. I called and was able to get it pushed through and approved. I actually told the lady on the phone that if they weren't going to allow Nate to stay in the hospital then the people who make this decision need to come to my house and help me care for him. She didn't like this very much. However, three days later, it was approved.
Last Friday morning, we arrived at the hospital at 6:15 am. Nate was the first surgery scheduled. Luckily, we had the same nurse that we had in November. She remembered Nate and that helped. Nate was fine until it was time to put on the gown. Tim had to suit up and go back into the operating room. He had to lay across Nate on the operating table so they could give him the gas through the mask. They could not put in the IV's until he was asleep.
The surgery went well and he was then taken to the PICU. They were very conservative with the medications and Nate started to wake up twice. This involved 6 to 8 people to hold him down and they had put on the arm restraints. The medication that worked best was the propofol, yes the one that Michael Jackson used. This medication required an hourly check in, so the machine beeped every hour.... I was allowed to sleep in the room....the alarm on the machine went off every hour.....
He slept all day Friday and through the night. The nurses moved him every two hours so he would not get bedsores. He had to be catherized twice so he would not get a bladder infection. While he was sleeping, the nurses were able to change the gauze in his mouth without being bitten or kicked. He did not pull out the stitches. The ice packs actually stayed on his face. None of this would have happened at home (dumb insurance company).
Because people under 18 can't be on the propofol for more than 24 hours, he had to be woken up Saturday morning. The doctor did a great job of making sure Nate was breathing on his own, but not fully awake, when they pulled out the tube. He called it "the art of medicine." When the tube came out, the only medicines were to calm him, not make him sleep. As soon as he woke up he started to get agitated. "It's time to go home!" He was required to stay in the hospital for 6 hours after he was woken up.
It was a long 6 hours. They did take out the IV's as soon as possible and he was able to put on his clothes. He must have told me "hospital is all done" or "home" a thousand times in those six hours. He also cried and was very agitated. We left the hospital around 4:00 Saturday afternoon. I was very humbled when the nurse told me that they rarely have patients leave the PICU walking out.
It was a rough 36 hours. However, Nate was the healthiest patient on the floor. He only had one doctor and one nurse, not a team. He also did not have goals listed on the white board outside his door. He was not in the PICU long enough for us to need to put up pictures or decorate the room. People did not have to gown up to see him. I did not need to call the family to the hospital to meet with his team of doctors which led to most of the family crying. Sure, the autism is rough, but he is healthy.
