I did not plan to have a third child. After getting Nick's diagnosis, I was finished. I couldn't do it again.
I went in to get my tubes tied on December 31, 2003. Tim and I figured this would be a good time to do it since we don't go out on New Year's Eve and I would still have time to recover before school started. Nate and Nick spent the night before at my mom's since I had to be at the surgery center by 5am.
I was very nervous. I had never had surgery before, so I was nervously chatting with the nurse as I got in my gown and she checked my vitals. Tim was out in the waiting room while all this was going on. I was telling the nurse about the boys and I told her I couldn't do it again. I couldn't sit in the neurologist's office again and then turn my house upside down with therapy. The words, "If I found out I was pregnant right now, I'd kill myself," actually came out of my mouth. The nurse had me pee in a cup. I didn't think anything of it. I figured they were checking my sugar levels since I hadn't eaten since midnight.
Boy was I wrong........
I was lying on the gurney with the iv in my arm and waiting for the anesthesiologist to come in to talk to me. The nurse came in and told me that we weren't doing the surgery. I asked her if he was late, maybe doing an emergency surgery, and told her that the boys were with my mom and I had to get finished as quick as possible. She interrupted me to tell me that the reason we weren't doing the surgery was because I was pregnant.
"You're shitting me!", I said and started to cry and cry.....and cry. I believe that if we were in a hospital they would have put me on a 36 hour hold. Boy, did that nurse have a story to tell that night.
It took me a few weeks to get used to the idea of being pregnant. While my friends were very supportive, my family was not. I hope that they were just worried about the extra stress in my life. The doctor sent us to a genetic specialist to see if they could tell us anything about the possibility of having a third autistic child. They weren't any help. All we could do was wait and see.............
Oh, Stacey, I remember so well when you told us. My immediate reaction - shock and concern for you. Why did this happen, what was the meaning - can such a thing have meaning? After Noah's birth I listened so intently as people told of Noah's eyes moving and reacting to people, and allowed myself to believe that this meant no autism. But two years later as we were getting for the school year to begin, I watched as Noah swung the closet door in your classroom back and forth, back and forth, and didn't respond when new people came into the room and talked to you. The picture is still vivid.
ReplyDelete