Not my life....

I went to a young child's birthday party yesterday.  OK, that sounds like I stayed for a while.....I made it 20 minutes.....

I went by myself...first mistake.  They have a dog, so I couldn't take Nate.  I get so tired of having to explain that no, my 15 year old son is not a pervert because petting a dog gives him an erection.  So, if he had gone, it would have taken all my energy to keep him away from the dog.  I couldn't take Noah...there are so many reasons that I couldn't take Noah...  The way that people usually look at him or me when he's with me is just too hard to take.  So, I went by myself.

I made it 20 minutes.  I was sitting there watching all these little kids...perfectly developing kids..and I realized This Is Not My Life.  I have nothing in common with these people.  It's so hard to watch them play and talk and interact with each other and their parents.  This Is Not My Life....it was my dream, but it's not my life.  My life involves medication and juggling all the therapies, not play dates.

So I left...and cried.  Some days I'm just not that strong.